Happy Birthday Josh Ellis, Get Over It!

When Zenarchery.com got "Best Vegas Website" by Las Vegas Life, I was a little bummed. But based on the rest of the magazine's other "best" selections, the word "research" deserves to be put in quotes, and being neglected lost its sting.

Josh Ellis's site is full of news of Josh Ellis and little about Vegas. Based on the one time talking to Mr. Ellis, it reflects poorly on him, and didn't resemble the guy I had a drink with at the Golden Palm so very long ago. The conversation revolved around many things, but his Texan grandfather's dealings with the Bin Laden family during the oil boom was fascinating. It also makes me 5 degrees removed from Osama. Small world.

Some of the latest missives from his site have him lamenting about his birthday, his unrecognized genius, and living in "Retard City." When he signs off on a post with, "Somebody, please, drop the bomb. Quit wasting my time," I sigh and think, "Stop wasting your time, smart guy."

If you want to put an end to it, all the info needed to assemble a bomb has been publicly available for years. Announce the means and location of your going-away party to the press so it can be recorded for posterity. Get a 1959 Caddy convertible, "two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine," drive your ass to the middle of the desert and turn yourself into a sun. Your atomic suicide would be eternally replayed on the news, Hunter would be proud, and the name of Joshua Ellis (Dr, RIP) would be on everyone's lips.

Until then, this would be my unsolicited advice on making your life a better one...

Stop bitching about the "general populace." Cumulatively, the "general populace" sucks. The founding fathers knew that when they created the electoral college and it's the same reason that some people feel the need for gated communities. (I'm talking to you Summerlin and Henderson! You're not that special.) Most people don't care about you, so stop looking at them for affirmation. Want a solution, I'll get to it.

Stop with the drugs (for the most part). Mild, recreational drug use is good for the occasional epiphany; anything else is just accumulating damage that can't be afforded. It's a small town and people talk, and that's how they talk about you.

Pissed about missing SXSW? What about a Vegas-based Mperia fest? Every good music fest was once small, so don't let that stop you. And don't whine about no venues. Famous John's, Dino's, and the Icehouse Lounge. That's just three in Downtown.

Want to address those who should be listening? Get a list of your best ideas/concepts (not complaints, know the difference). Host a salon, invite artists, articulate individuals, local color. As the host, spend ten minutes being smart, funny, and informative about your topic and the rest of the night getting the machine of discourse running on social lubrication. Don't tell me you can't attempt that kind of party.

Why an article dedicated to one man in Vegas?. Public whining gets a public response. That's all.

The next article is going to be so full of info on art, a casino, and its wealthy owner that your head will hurt. Promise.